Hot Water Bottles and Apple Pie à la Eve

"Ô Eve, where have you been?" you will ask, staring in wonder. "You who tell such palpitating stories of zombie schoolchildren and of various pirate mice, what adventures kept you away from your blog?"

"My child," I will say, and my voice, wise and soft, will strike awe in your heart like the roaring thunder. "My child, I've been sick like a dog, how sucky is that?"

 ***

 There was the fever, which caused Drunken English (more so than usual), and the thousands of boxes of tissues, and the offerings to the porcelain god. Eventually there was a doctor, who told me that what I was doing (resting, drinking soup and getting cuddle-raped by my cat for hours on end) was the right thing to do and to keep doing it, which didn't help a lot, to be honest. (Next time I'll keep my money to buy some David Hasselhoff paraphernalia.) There was better days and worst days, headaches the size of a politician's ego, and a wonderful Lord and Master who kept the hot water bottles coming.

***

Since there is no adventure to tell, I'll share with you my super secret recipe of Apple Pie à la Eve.
If you are afraid of butter, hello, meet your worst nightmare:

APPLE PIE A LA EVE 

( november 2011 - subject to change, since it was mostly random) 

WARNING : no cinnamon was harmed in the making of this pie.

Sorry, you cinnamon torturers, but I like almonds better.

Crust:
- 2.5 cups of flour
- 1/2 cup of butter
- the yolk of an egg
- 2 tsp of powdered almonds
- 2 tps oil
- 2 tsp milk
- 2 tsp sugar
- salt

Frangipani:
- 4OZ. of powdered almonds (= 1 cup of sliced almonds + blender)
- 1/2 cup of sugar
- 1 egg
- 1/4 cup butter

Filling:
3 big apples


1- The Crust: (or, how capital letters can make anything sound ominous)
  
a. In a big bowl, mix the flour and the butter with a wooden spoon.
b. Add the salt, sugar and almond. Mix again.
c. Then the milk and oil. Keep Mixing.
d. Then the yolk. Notice how that spoon is not quite effective, sigh, and use your hands to crush those resisting clumps of butter into submission. It's fun and you get to make a nice big ball of dough.
e. Coat you pie dish with butter and flour (or, if you live away from civilization, like me, use a cake pan), and flatten your dough right there in the pan. It's no use to use a rolling pin, it will tear. So use your hands again, ladies.

Tip: you can keep your ball of dough in the refrigerator, but it will harden. Microwave it for a minute and it will once again become as firm and supple as Taylor Lautner's bottom.)

2- The Frangipani: (or, the wonderful deliciousness of gods, second only to Nutella.)
a. Put in bowl, mix, spread on the dough.
b. Fight the cat to get the right to lick the spills.

3- The Filling: (or, turn on Lord of the Rings and get a beer.)
a. Make your husband peel and slice the apples. Dip them in orange juice to keep them from getting brown.
b. Place prettily on top of the frangipani.

4- Bake: (or, you know the drill.)
Bake at 400 degrees F for 45 minutes. Note how the timing is perfect for a thorough thank you to the apple cutter. And by that I mean a nice quiet cuddle in front of an episode of Leverage.


ENJOY!



Nota Bene : My beta reader is at work: all mistakes and bad jokes are mine. Feel free to correct them or scold me on his behalf.